i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
honey bunches of taint.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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