I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
