Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
