allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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