Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Terrible idea I love it
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
