they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
