I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I love having hate sex.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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