lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
