I want to stick my p in your. b.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
