I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
