Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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