i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
