Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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