I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
