Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Another day, another engagement, another cat
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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