I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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