I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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