Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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