a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
