Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
