I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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