I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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