Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
