I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
