Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
