if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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