so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
