hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
