I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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