I wannas sexs uuuuu
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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