I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
