thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
