pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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