I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
