hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
