My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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