Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
