I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
smell my finger.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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