Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
