Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
