: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
