My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Its about making memories worth repressing
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Randomize
