even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
