Im at strip club and am horny
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
