awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
