that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
