we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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