True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
