if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
