Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
