Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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