I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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